Scars Left by Time
by Sandtigress
Summary: Their time in service had left them with many scars, physical and emotional.  But love can bring them together to heal that pain, or at least  make it easier to bear.  Requested post-Citadel Shenko date story


_This one is for kittymills, who requested the tale. Thanks to SurelyForth for the beta read and to BlameTheTemplar for making it a much better story with her suggestions!_

They lay together in a lazy tangle, bathed in the wonderful glow of _together_ after so long apart.

"Did I live up to expectations, ma'am?" Kaidan asked once he could breathe again, a teasing note on that last _ma'am_. She loved when he called her that.

"Mmm," she purred against his chest, "and maybe a bit beyond the call of duty there."

He laughed that breathy laugh she remembered so well. "I aim to please." They laid together like that for a time, content to just be with each other, not needing words to express the things between them in that moment. Shepard had missed this so much - not only the physical contact and intimacy but just being near him, knowing she could go to him if she needed advice or support or just to hear the sound of his voice. To know he didn't hate her or think her a traitor or a liar, that he still felt that emotional jumble that tied his tongue in the most endearing ways. She had missed it all.

The same thought seemed to have occurred to him as he sprawled there with her, lazily tracing designs along her back with one finger. "You really are exactly the same, aren't you?" he asked, a touch of wonder in his voice. "After all this time, you're still the same woman I fell in love with, all those years ago."

"I remember these scars," Kaidan reminisced, brushing his hand along her shoulder where bullets had made their permanent mark after Elysium. "I memorized every detail that night before Ilos. I never wanted that night to end."

"Neither did I," she admitted. The image of that night was burned into her memory as well – every touch, smell, taste, sound. One night, just that one night. That was all that they had had. And now, somehow, against all odds, they had this second and many more to come, if she had any say in the matter. They would stand together against the Reapers, and they would _win_.

His fingers continued to move along her skin, now trailing new scars – these from Cerberus scalpels and Collector guns. "I should have been there for these," he said softly, regret coloring his voice. "I should have trusted you."

"And worked for Cerberus yourself?" she retorted. "They didn't give either of us a choice. There was a reason the Illusive Man never bothered to contact you. He would have used you like he used me and I would never want that. You're too good a man for that." He was quiet after that, so she chose to make her own observations.

"You've changed some," she mused, one hand reaching out to touch the trace of silver in his hair, finding them more by their feel than their color in the dim light of her cabin. It suited him, she decided. Made him look more distinguished, stronger. The last years had not been easy for him, she knew. But it was always Kaidan's gift to use the difficulties of his life to grow, to be a better man. He never let them drag him down, not brain camp, not Vyrnnus, not her death. His scars were less obvious but still there in the lines on his face, the silver in his hair, in his eyes and in his voice. It might not have been by her choice, but she still regretted all the pain she had caused him these past years. But now she had the chance to start making it up to him.

"Good changes?" he prompted after a time.

"Mostly good," Shepard answered, lips quirking into a teasing smile when he protested. "You're…more assertive," she said finally. The Kaidan she had known left himself an out, left her a way out all through their tentative flirtations on the old Normandy. This Kaidan put his feelings out on the line, took her hands in his in public, took charge of situations and did it with confidence and surety. This was a man grown into all the potential she'd known was there, a man she liked very much. "Major Alenko…it suits you."

Kaidan shifted under her to bring her lips to his, pulling her into a long, leisurely kiss as she wrapped her arms about his neck. "You know," he murmured against her lips, "I wasn't going to mention it, but there _are_ a few things different about you too." She knew just looking at the grin on his face exactly what he was referring to.

"Yeah, yeah," she said, pulling back to give him a playful swat. "I think we can guess what the Illusive Man's taste in women is. Or it was Miranda's idea of a bad joke. Then again, looking at Miranda, maybe that's how she thought they were _supposed_ to be."

"Hey, I didn't say I minded," he laughed. His expression grew more somber as he reached up to caress her cheek tenderly with one hand. "But seriously, I owe them a lot. They brought you back to me. I never even dreamed it could…it's good to have you back, Shepard."

She leaned down to kiss him again, stubble rough under her hands as they framed his face to bring him closer to her. "It's good to have _you_ back too, Kaidan. It's damn good to have you."


End file.
